dirty laundry

Dirty Laundry: Keep on keepin on and Benny Goodman’s Nobel Prize

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on Friday, August 27, 2010

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs the last Friday of each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

There’s a guy in my life who I honestly believe I love. We’ve known each other for about 10 years, and our relationship right now is friend with insane benefits. The first time I saw him I was overcome with desire (he’s pretty hot). I wanted him so bad and he would be my conquest, and it would be a great one. These last 4-5 years we’ve maintained a very intense affair. He comes over, we talk for hours about every/anything, or we go out for drinks/movie etc, then we have absolutely mind-blowing sex. I doubt I’ll find chemistry like that elsewhere. He goes away for school from Sept to April, comes back for Christmas and summer, and we get right back to where we left off. Lately my thoughts have been consumed with wondering “how long will this go on?” “Is there something more to explore here?” I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend. I think he LIVES with her. Last night we had very personal conversations about the dynamic of our relationship, how our desire for each other never fades, what we like about each other etc. He also opened up to me about a situation within his family and I was lending him an ear and my best advice. I can’t get enough of him. I feel so comfortable and safe around him. He’s an amazing guy. My friends who know the full story believe he has feelings for me because why would this be going on for so long? I don’t want what we have to end, I don’t want him to get freaked out that I’m bringing it up after all this time. Things he’s said and done in the past lead me to believe he does want more from me and at the same time that this is all there will be. Should I keep on keepin on, talk to him about us, or end it because it hurts too much?

In Love and Lust

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Dirty Laundry: Literary lechery, too much of a good thing and the value of musical cards

Written

apartment613

on Friday, July 30, 2010

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

I’ve been in a relationship for a few months. Things are getting pretty serious — we’ve said “I love you” and we’re even talking about moving in together if things continue to go well. He is wonderful, I trust him; however, there’s something I haven’t been able to share with him.
Don’t worry — I’m not cheating or anything like that but it is kind of odd. I’ve been reading and writing slash fan fiction for a few years. I’ve even posted a few stories online, under a pen name. I’m not sure how to bring this up with my boyfriend without coming off like a crazy geek weirdo. Any advice?

Secretly Literary and Seeking Help

Fan fiction or “fanfic”, as it’s sometimes called, is a work of fiction about characters created by fans of a work of literature, film, television, rather than the original creator. Slash fiction is a sub genre of fan fiction which involves romantic or erotic pairing between two characters of the same gender. There are massive fanfic communities, primarily online, related to popular television series and novels, called “fandoms”. This is not nearly as weird as you may think,
SLaSH. It is extremely common to have sexual fantasies involving the fictional characters we read about or see onscreen. Ask your boyfriend if he’s ever had a celebrity/character crush. Odds are that he has. Encourage him to open up about about a fantasy, tell him about a couple of yours. If you’ve never done it before, you may feel a little shy at first, but once you get passed that, you’ll probably start to have fun…and maybe get a little turned on. Eventually, when you feel ready, you can start to tell him about the fanfic, which is simply a fun, creative expression of your sexual fantasies. Remember SLaSH, geek is chic, weird is wonderful and there’s nothing crazy about a good, sexy story.

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Dirty Laundry: Hair-y situation and polyamory?

Written

Francois

on Friday, June 25, 2010

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

I started dating this guy a few weeks ago. He’s really great, really smart and nice. The sex has been great too and we’ve both been really into it, until about a week ago I noticed he seemed a little weird about going down on me. I didn’t say anything, but then it happened again and so I asked him if something was wrong. He said he didn’t want to make me feel bad or anything, but that he just wasn’t used to hair down there. He said the other women he’s been with have all been bare. I do a little shaving, you know, to keep things tidy but that’s it. I asked him if he wanted me to get it waxed and he said that it was up to me. Now I don’t know what to do. I love when we have oral sex and I don’t want him to feel weird about it, but I’m also kind of scared about getting everything waxed. Does it really hurt as much as they say? And do they really wax your bum and everything?

Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow?

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Dirty Laundry: New trends in porn and what to do over the long haul

Written

apartment613

on Friday, May 28, 2010

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.
_________________________

Dear Dirty Laundress

When partners have been together for a while…let’s say 3, 4, 5 years - how do you keep things interesting in bed and in your daily lives without it becoming a boring routine? Any advice?

Slightly Scared Of Future Trends

Having been in a monogamous relationship with my current partner for almost fifteen years, I’ve formed a few opinions about keeping the spark alive long-term. I’m going to assume, SSOFT that you’re familiar with standard magazine wisdom about weekends away, naughty toys and athletic, new sex positions, all of which are great ideas. A couple of carnal days at a bed and breakfast just may provide the kindling you need to keep the flames of passion burning.

But trips and contortionist tricks aren’t always practical or even desirable for every couple’s in their day-to-day lives. We get busy. We get stressed out. We get tired. Often, we experience all three at once. That early relationship energy, which has us making mad monkey love at every opportunity, it wanes over time. That’s normal. But I think it’s important to remember that while our libidos change over the course of a relationship, attraction and desire remain.

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Dirty Laundry: Office romance, pain in the butt and the real reason to look forward to Ottawa race weekend

Written

apartment613

on Friday, April 30, 2010

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.

_________________________

Dear Dirty Laundress,

I work for a small company in an equally small office. I’m really attracted to one of my co-workers and I’m pretty sure she’s into me as well. I’m not sure if I should act on my feelings though. I really like my job and at the back of my mind I have this fear that an office romance could ruin the good thing I’ve got going at work (especially if it eventually turned sour). Should I just keep my feelings to myself in this case?

Tell her how you feel, TCoB. Every potential relationship also has the potential for problems. But the thing with problems is that they can be discussed, negotiated or simply accepted as part of the risk inherent in hooking up with people. You can always find a reason NOT to be with someone. What is much harder is finding someone who is as into you as you are into to them. If you do decide to date, I think you would be wise to establish some boundaries that will help you maintain your professionalism at work. For example, “no kissing in the presence of staff” or “no afternoon delight in the lunch room” or what have you. Your concerns are valid, but fear should never dictate the terms of a relationship. The people involved should.

By the way, I’m assuming your use of the term “co-worker” means this person is not your boss, nor vice-versa. If one of you is in a position of power over the other, I would advise both of you to tread with a little more caution. Make sure you’re familiar with the workplace policies on sexual harassment before you get together. Again, these things can be worked out, but if a relationship makes you vulnerable to legal action, it’s best to be aware of that.

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Dirty Laundry: Ask outs, make outs and Nadine’s no.1 back door rule!

Written

apartment613

on Friday, March 26, 2010

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.

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Dear Dirty Laundress,

Are all lubes created equal? Or should one consider different lubes for different lubing needs and purposes?

Slippery When Wet

Before I answer your specific question, SWW, a quick word about lube. Lube (or “personal liquid” as it’s called in television ads) is fucking fantastic! I don’t care who you are or what you’re doing, sometimes sex gets vigorous and nothing kills the mood like chafing. That’s why I believe whether your playing solo or with friends, lube is a great tool to have in your sexual arsenal.

There are a plethora of lubes out there, as varied and diverse as the people who play with them. In terms of ingredients, lube can be divided into three broad categories: water-based, silicone-based and oil-based.

Water-based lube is the most commonly available lube on the market. It’s latex-safe, which means you can use it with barriers like condoms and dental dams. It’s also compatible with virtually any sex toy or sexual product. On the other hand, some water-based lubes can dry out or get sticky, particularly brands with a high sugar and/or glycerine content. Sugar and glycerin also feed yeast, so if you have a vagina prone to infections, check the ingredients and opt for a sugar-free variety; Slippery Stuff and Sliquid are two of my favourites.

Silicone based lube is the Energizer bunny of lubricants - it keeps going and going and going. Ideal for play that involves extended or intense friction, silicone-based lube is latex-safe and slick, slick, slick. It’s also great for use in showers since it won’t rinse off like a water-based lube. Just watch your step if you spill some in the tub! It takes the vagina a while to flush out silicone. Because lingering moisture can lead to excess yeast, look for vag-friendly silicone lubes, such as Pjur Woman, which are lighter and easier for the body to get rid of. Also liquid silicone will bond chemically to silicone toys, leaving them with a permanently tacky surface.

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Dirty Laundry: Ottawa’s Newest Sex Column

Written

apartment613

on Friday, February 26, 2010

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her new sex column, Dirty Laundry, will run the last Friday of each month on Apt613 starting this week. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.

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Dear Dirty Laundress,

I hate sexual identity labels. Only for myself; I don’t mind what other people call themselves. I find the words “straight” and “gay” limiting. And then “bisexual” seems to suggest “right-smack-dab in the middle of the Kinsey Scale”. Nowadays everyone is expected to define themselves according to sexual preference, so I feel obligated to find a term that suits me. Is there a word that captures that sense of “I just sleep with whomever I find attractive at any given time”? Or should I continue to resist labels altogether?

Absolutely No Odd Names

If you truly feel obligated to label your sexuality, you might prefer the term “pansexual” or “omnisexual”. Pan/omni sexuality is romantic and/or sexual attraction towards people regardless of their gender or biological sex. This is different from “bisexuality” because it does not assume a rigid male/female gender binary. You might also use the word “queer”. Once a homophobic insult, the word has been re-appropriated by the GLBTTQQ community as a positive term to describe any person or expression that doesn’t conform to hetero-normative standards.

But do you really need a label? Labels can be useful. At the grocery store, for instance. Without labels we wouldn’t know if we were buying corn or trout-in-a-can. When it comes to sexual expression, however, I’m of the belief that labels can be more limiting than illuminating. Perhaps designations around orientation wouldn’t be problematic if we simply allowed people to define their sexuality on their own terms. Unfortunately, humans have a tendency to get squicky with behaviour that falls outside the box. A straight-identified man gets down with a one guy one time and we’re all “ZOMG! Is he bisexual? Gay? Repressed?” Does it really matter? If you’re comfortable without a label, ANON…fuck it! Your sexuality has only to do with you and whomever you choose to press your bits against. You’re under no obligation to define it.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

Hello! I have a partner who was raised in a small town and has a stereotypically-small town outlook on a lot of things - including sex. We get along fabulously and for the most part have a great sex life, except for one thing: she expresses squeamishness and/or harsh judgment on a lot of kinks that I, personally, think of as pretty mild (some of which I’m into). How do we bridge this gap?

Small Town State of Mind

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