
Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano
A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her new sex column, Dirty Laundry, will run the last Friday of each month on Apt613 starting this week. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.
For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.
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Dear Dirty Laundress,
I hate sexual identity labels. Only for myself; I don’t mind what other people call themselves. I find the words “straight” and “gay” limiting. And then “bisexual” seems to suggest “right-smack-dab in the middle of the Kinsey Scale”. Nowadays everyone is expected to define themselves according to sexual preference, so I feel obligated to find a term that suits me. Is there a word that captures that sense of “I just sleep with whomever I find attractive at any given time”? Or should I continue to resist labels altogether?
Absolutely No Odd Names
If you truly feel obligated to label your sexuality, you might prefer the term “pansexual” or “omnisexual”. Pan/omni sexuality is romantic and/or sexual attraction towards people regardless of their gender or biological sex. This is different from “bisexuality” because it does not assume a rigid male/female gender binary. You might also use the word “queer”. Once a homophobic insult, the word has been re-appropriated by the GLBTTQQ community as a positive term to describe any person or expression that doesn’t conform to hetero-normative standards.
But do you really need a label? Labels can be useful. At the grocery store, for instance. Without labels we wouldn’t know if we were buying corn or trout-in-a-can. When it comes to sexual expression, however, I’m of the belief that labels can be more limiting than illuminating. Perhaps designations around orientation wouldn’t be problematic if we simply allowed people to define their sexuality on their own terms. Unfortunately, humans have a tendency to get squicky with behaviour that falls outside the box. A straight-identified man gets down with a one guy one time and we’re all “ZOMG! Is he bisexual? Gay? Repressed?” Does it really matter? If you’re comfortable without a label, ANON…fuck it! Your sexuality has only to do with you and whomever you choose to press your bits against. You’re under no obligation to define it.
Dear Dirty Laundress,
Hello! I have a partner who was raised in a small town and has a stereotypically-small town outlook on a lot of things - including sex. We get along fabulously and for the most part have a great sex life, except for one thing: she expresses squeamishness and/or harsh judgment on a lot of kinks that I, personally, think of as pretty mild (some of which I’m into). How do we bridge this gap?
Small Town State of Mind